The Gazillionaire may play it cool during Spiegelworld’s Absinthe at Caesar’s Palace, but this garish gigolo is a total sucker when it comes to love. He absolutely loves love. All sorts of love. Love with anyone. Anytime. Anywhere.

Filthy rich and just plain filthy, The Gazillionaire is gearing up for this week’s celebration of romantic love by offering his erotic expertise to the masses.

“You wanna get your date in the sack that night?” asks the slick-haired show host about February 14. “With sweaty acrobats flying around just inches from your face and the trance from my Green Fairy’s tassels, Absinthe is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

Gaz also has the following tips for those celebrating Valentine’s Day in Las Vegas:

Start the day right at 7th & Carson
Me, I spend Valentine’s Day morning having a three-Faberge-egg omelet while flying over Lake Tahoe in my private 757 diamond-encrusted jet. But you? You head downtown to 7th and Carson (in downtown Las Vegas) and get some Braised Oxtail Toast. I can’t believe people besides me can afford to enjoy something like this, but you can…for now.

Fall in love while falling out of a plane together
First, stop into Tiffany & Co. at The Forum Shops to let her pick out some sky diving jewelry, perhaps a tight-fitting tennis bracelet. Then hop in your limo, or however you get around, and head out to Sky Dive Las Vegas in Boulder City to jump out of a plane together. Two reasons to do this: 1. She’s gotta be so into you to do this, so it’s a fine litmus test. 2. You and your date will have fantastic blow out hair for the rest of the day.

Ask your date to Fuku
Afterwards, track down the FukuBurger truck for lunch. Where is it? Who knows? Let your chauffeur or butler use a food truck app to find its current location while you compose poetry, throw flower petals or whatever sappy thing you lovebirds wind up doing. Now, turns out “Fuku” is actually a real word that means “luck” in Chinese, which makes it slightly less amazing, but the Karai Burger is outstanding.

Enjoy an orgy for the senses at Caesars Palace
Start with dinner at Rao’s – a nice, upscale, fancy-ass fine dining Italian restaurant. Its reputation is unimpeachable. So, don’t dress like an idiot. Leave the Crocs and jean shorts in the hotel room…or the trash can. Skip dessert, because you have to get your butt to Absinthe at Caesars Palace. See my show. Why? Because my show is the best show in the whole damn world, that’s why. (Seriously, ask anyone.)

Work through the dessert menu at Peppermill
Get yourself some waffles in a private booth at Peppermill. Do yourself a favor and order the fruit plate. It is legitimately as ridiculous as my show. Unfortunately, the secret bunker table for two (which also doubles as a high stakes illegal poker room for Russian oligarch bachelor parties) is only available to me (and young Russian “businessmen”).